Remember your post about "would the Labour leadership candidates hold your hair if you puked outside a club?" would you do one about the probable Tory leadership candidates (Osborne, BoJo, May, Hammond, Gove)?
well first off they would only hold ur hair if u were a fellow tory, and even then that’s not a guarantee. imagine gove giving enough of a shit about other people’s wellbeing to do something like that. hard to envisage isn’t it
osborne, judging by the alleged wild parties of his youth, is probably well-acquainted with holding back his chortling conetemporaries’ lanky strands while they spew chunks of radioactive sludge out of their gaping maws. actually, he’s probably better acquainted with having someone else hold his own hair back for him. he did have quite long, luxurious locks as a young man, after all, so either a) his nanny did it for him or b) fifi lafuq, the nice woman who works at the local ‘ladies’ college’, helps him out for an additional fee
theresa may would not want to get her designer shoes splattered with vom so probably wouldn’t be very good at performing this benevolent act. she might haul you over her shoulder and suplex you into a police cell, though. ain’t no fucking around with ol’ theresa
hammond would do his vom-shielding duty in the most bland and boring way possible, sweeping your hair back with his pointy beak. in conetrast, boris would be gushing forth a tide of regret right alongside you, before guffawing and slapping you on the back so hard you’d fall in the puddle on the floor. he’d leave you there, sobbing, as he merrily bicycles away, mowing down homeless people as he goes
You made it useless but also prevented it from the end it was predestined for.
But wait this is actually freaking me out though, it raises so many questions about the otherwise incomprehensible meaning of life as a collective whole versus personal sustenance and longevity
Imagine if one day you were given a choice: Become immortal and indestructible for eternity, unable to be harmed by anything ever again, and get to live forever.
However, in order to achieve that you must give up whatever your purpose in life is. Whatever it is that you were always meant to do, what you were supposed to contribute to the overall scheme and future of the life of the universe, your purpose… the whole reason you were even created, even born in the first place. You must give that up. You don’t know what that is. You’ll never know; But, regardless, you say yes.
Perhaps you assume you wouldn’t have made any sort of significant difference anyway. That butterfly effect theory or whatever they call it? Nah, you call bullshit. It doesn’t matter - you don’t matter, at least not to anything outside of your immediate connections - and it’ll all be fine, and you’ll just live forever with minimal (or maybe even no) consequences.
So, yay! You’re now immortal. You’ll never die or get hurt ever again. Wee!
But then, centuries and centuries later (not to mention that by this point you’ve gone through horrible heartbreak and misery and despair because every loved one you ever had, every friend you ever made, ever person you barely got to know, has passed away, died as you lived on long without them, helpless to do anything for them as you watched them perish, unable to ever go with them or ever see them again. But I digress), now, you learn you actually were important in the grand scheme of things. You were supposed to be a key factor in the world’s survival, long ago; but, because of the choice you made (immortality over individual purpose), you were never given the knowledge or awareness or resources or ability to save the world that you were always supposed to obtain, before you unknowingly made the wrongest choice to ever wrong.
Needless to say, you’ve fucked up big time.
The entire universe as we know it is destroyed soon after this horrifying revelation. It implodes, collapses in on itself, essentially forming a massive black hole or something. Stars, nebulae, galaxies, solar systems and planets, worlds and worlds of living people and things, and light-years of time and space and life, all sucked up into absolute, indefinite nothingness.
But you remain.
Just you. Floating amongst, spiraling around, rocketing through, suspended in… nothing. With a feeling of such unbelievable loneliness that your feeble brain can hardly perceive, can’t possibly hope to comprehend. Not only are you the only living thing left, you don’t even have one inanimate object to keep you company. You have literally. Nothing. And you are literally nowhere. I mean, technically, you are now the universe - if it would bring you petty comfort to think about it that way. You. Only you. With nothing, no one, nowhere. Forever. And ever. And ever.
All because you thought you didn’t matter. That you had no real, meaningful purpose. That you could never possibly make a difference.
But you did. And now look what you’ve gotten yourself into, you silly nugget. You’re gonna be pretty bored and lonely for that eternity, huh?
Or maybe it was out of selfishness. Maybe this wasn’t because you felt useless, but because you simply only cared about prolonging your own life and nothing else. Hm.
The moral here? Be selfless, and always know and remember that you matter.
Or else, one day, you might destroy the universe. And be left to suffer, and be tortured horribly and endlessly by the void of nothingness that has consumed you. With no way to escape. Ever.
Other moral because I got sidetracked from my initial point - all things considered, would you choose longevity over purpose? Immortality over meaning?
OR, IDK, MAYBE SOME IDIOT JUST LAMINATED A STUPID PIECE OF PAPER TOWEL FOR NO GOOD REASON
AND MAYBE I SHOULDNT BE LOOKING FOR THE ANSWERS TO THE MEANING OF OUR SHORT, FRAGILE LIVES IN
Oh….Oh my god. This is my neighbor. This is not Wisconsin, it is definitely Missoula, Montana. He is, of course, a heck of a lot older, and I don’t think he does the cable access stuff now, but I know he used to. He’s a very cool dude, he’s super nice and, yeah, a bit weird.
One time we were standing in the alley behind my house talking when a pair of crows flew by chasing a bald eagle. Here’s the conversation we had about it:
Me: “WOAH!”
Him: “WOW!”
Me: “I never expected to see that in town.”
Him: “What do you think it means?”
Me: “Probably the eagle was bothering their nest.”
Him: “I think it means America is under attack by dark forces.”
Once I saw him talk very passionately at a city council meeting about how he has benefitted from a local public program that provides low income housing assistance.
